Welcome to VICTOR.SYS (c) DYNECORP 777,777
> cd history/porn/news
Folder not found: history/porn/news
command: CHRISTIAN not found
> ls history/
2000s/ 2100s/ 2200s/ secret/
> cd secret
> run porn/news.blast
Parsing historical archives...
Hackin' Bruce's Shit...
Newsblast, September 19
Welcome to your Personalized Newsblast (TM) for
September 19, 27,777
‘OH OH, IT’S MAGIC’, SAY POLICE
Citizens of Halifax_1 were surprised and more than a little discomfited to see that the sun, in fact, did not rise on September 18, instead being eclipsed straight out by not one, but three moons, two of which were completely new. After verifying that the Binary Order did not, in fact, deploy additional moons to assist with tidal regeneration, residents were left scratching their heads as they saw twelve times in an hour what most people only see once in a lifetime. Police Sergeant Chickadee Hambone said that, in reality, the most likely explanation is a local warlock, or dark wizard. “This time of year, they come out of the woodwork,” they said. “Harvest moon, Samhain comin’ on- it’s a bit of a nuisance, but technically, disrupting the firmament isn’t a crime, so-“ She concluded the interview with a noncommittal shrug and a deep pull on a can of beer, which she then crushed against her forehead. For the time being, residents are advised not to look directly at the eclipse, both because of the risk to their eyesight and also because it may be part of the ritual and could put their souls at risk.
FLYKNIFE COMICS MOBILE HQ SPOTTED HEADING NORTH
After going dark in late spring and staying quiet through summer, the Flyknife Comics Mobile HQ has once more been spotted, spraying lead and tasteless graffiti all across the Scotian Archipelago. The HQ was seen as part of a convoy heading north to Neo-Sydney. Neo-Sydney is contained within the Lawless Zone, and is expected to be the site of a convention of Cyberpunks, Bit Jockeys, Neo-Criminals, and Memetic Freakers in the near future. Binary Order troop carriers were seen chasing the convoy, but after several were shot down by surface-to-air missiles, they have taken up an observation position and are expected to wave off before entering the Lawless Zone. Looks like the Flyknife Comics gang have escaped the long arm of the law again, no doubt delighting their fans.
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
WISDOM OF THE DAY
“Hey, just a reminder to save your radical action for the skatepark- that’s where Kropotkin REALLY belongs!”
- Corporal Benny Imperium, Cop
ALL POWER TO OUR HACKER FRIENDS IN THEIR STRUGGLE AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF THE BINARY ORDER
SEE YOU NEXT NEWS CYCLE,