Welcome to VICTOR.SYS (c) DYNECORP 777,777
> cd history/news
history/news: folder not found.
> christian dammit
christian: command not found
> ls history
2000s/ 2100s/ 2200s/ porn/
> cd history/porn/news
> run news.blast
Parsing historical archives...
Hackin' Bruce's Shit...
Newsblast, May 16
Welcome to your Personalized Newsblast (TM) for
May 16, 27,777
‘DANCE COMMANDER’ GIVING OUT THE ORDER… FOR CRIME
Corporate executives at the Halifax DYNECORP headquarters found themselves the participants of an unexpected flash mob when a ‘Halifamous’ cybercriminal known only as the Dance Commander committed another mass-hack of their cyberbrains. This is the third such incident perpetrated by the Dance Commander, each time targeting one of the local triple-A corporations and forcing the top stakeholders to partake in immaculately choreographed dance mobs. The Binary Order has, thus far, had limited success thwarting the hacker. Nonetheless, Cmdr. Guzman Ratatouille assured the city’s corporate CEOs that they have nothing to fear. “The only order this ‘Dance Commander’ is giving,’” said Ratatouille, “Is the one that’ll land him in cyberprison.”
YET MORE FLYKNIFE FISTICUFFS
The two-fisted guys and gals at Flyknife Comics Mobile HQ found themselves the targets of another Binary Order attack when they simultaneously released the remainder of Kobra Stallion 2 and an all-new STONR GARBAGE- the fifth such issue, titled If This Cover Was Lenticular You’d Be Losing Your Mind Right Now. The concentrated release of data gave the Binary Order all they needed to pinpoint the Mobile HQ and launch a full-scale assault. Local citizens were treated to a prime opportunity for noise complaints when Binary Order heavy gunships buzzed the dockyard district and disgorged a platoon of elite Binary Guards. With the battle ongoing, it is as yet unclear who will triumph: the Flyknife gang, with their computer-assisted martial arts and superior hacking techniques, or the Binary Order, with their technological advantage and overwhelming numbers.
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
WISDOM OF THE DAY
“Hey- never give up! No matter how bad things seem! And get that damn camera out of my face!”
- Stonk Kaching, recluse and motivational speaker
ALL POWER TO OUR HACKER FRIENDS IN THEIR STRUGGLE AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF THE BINARY ORDER
SEE YOU NEXT NEWS CYCLE,