Newsblast, December 15

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December 15, 27,777

LOCAL DISCOTHEQUE BURNS DOWN

A disco in the heart of Halifax_1’s notorious Downtown Grid burned down last night, under circumstances that officials are calling “suspicious, technically, but maybe we’ll just look the other way on this one”. The Gates of Hell, famed for its Wednesday night dollar shots and notoriously lethal knife fights, erupted into a blaze of plasma fire around 10:00PM last night, forcing the last-call regulars to find a new place to party. Both the festivities and the fire spread to nearby buildings, precipitating the prompt response of both Fire and Riot Suppression units under the direct supervision of the Binary Order. Cmdr. Guzman Ratatouille has advised citizens that, due to the famously sleazy, crime-ridden reputation of the locale, they will not be investigating the cause of the blaze further. “Honestly, whoever it was did us a favour,” claimed Cmdr. Ratatouille. He did advise reporters to alert the public that this means an arsonist is on the loose, and may strike again.

DUST-UP AT FLYKNIFE COMICS MOBILE HQ

Famously reclusive guerilla comic book artist Bruce Delo came under fire, literal and metaphorical, at around 1:00AM this morning as the Flyknife Comics Mobile HQ was besieged by a local gang upset with the slow pace of updates to the beloved “Kobra Stallion 2” webzone. The gangers reportedly decided to take matters into their own hands and unleashed a platoon-strength unit of Razordroids on the Mobile HQ (a repurposed food truck, itself a repurposed military halftrack). Delo responded with both invective and suppressive fire from the HQ’s Demon-class machine guns. “I’m getting to it,” one of the destroyed robots’ gun-cams recorded. “I’ve been really busy with conventions and trying to get Starbreakers 2 printed, so it’s just been hard to find the time to keep translating the pages.” At that moment, the HQ’s engine kicked on and the vehicle sped away as Delo continued to pin the robots down. “Maybe this week, maybe next,” bystanders heard him yell. “It’s hard to say right now, it being the holidays and all.” Then, with a burst of high-grade depleted uranium rounds, he was gone. The current location of the Mobile HQ is unknown.

THIS WEEK IN HISTORY

• First third of the script to famous OVA Starbreakers - Gunstar Runaways of the Rebel Sky, Volume 3: Starlight Dreams on the Edge of Forever completed (third draft).
• Reference sheets for Reagan Ska completed.
• Rough thumbnails for the first 20 pages of STONR GARBAGE TAPE 5: If This Cover Was Lenticular You’d Be Losing Your Mind Right Now.

WISDOM OF THE DAY

“When the going gets tough, there’s nothing I like better than to wire my Brainscape into the ColaZone! Nothing like a cool brain-blast of Cola!”

• Scum G-Cipher, hacker and ColaZone shill

ALL POWER TO OUR HACKER FRIENDS IN THEIR STRUGGLE AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF THE BINARY ORDER

SEE YOU NEXT NEWS CYCLE,
NEWSBOT